Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
