I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
