Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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