if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Randomize
