I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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