ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
