I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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