i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I love having hate sex.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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