Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
