Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
