Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
