Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
