This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
