Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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