I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
