I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
