Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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