At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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