K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
