i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
vagina is talking i cant
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
