i was born a porn star she said
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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