Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
