i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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