I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
