Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
