How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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