i just wanna soil my oats bro
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
