Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
