so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
