Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
