I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
