she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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