I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
