My nipple is on Facebook.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
