she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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