He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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