So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
