My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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