If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
