I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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