you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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