He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
