Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
