We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
