For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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