Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
