Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
