Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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