Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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