Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
