My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
