Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
