You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
